Children and communication at school: what is good and what is bad?
Communication at school becomes very frequent the real test for the child. Parents in every way try to help to endure to it the conflicts and to overcome difficulties. But often do a disservice, forming the wrong model of behavior.
Authors of the book «Emotional intelligence of the child» help to understand psychology of the child at the age from 7 till 12 years, explain how to behave in difficult situations that it is possible to consider normal and that should cause fear. Any awkwardness
At school the child is included into big social groups and falls under their influence. At children informative abilities actively develop and they learn about the power of intelligence over emotions. Your child starts to test the increasing influence from contemporaries, and you can notice that the aspiration at any cost becomes one of the main motivations of his life to avoid awkwardness. Style of their clothes, type of a backpack and as their contemporaries treat that they do start to excite children of this age. The child will be ready to do anything not to involve in itself attention, especially if friends tease it or to criticize its actions. Do not try to fight against it. Conformism
The conformism at this age is quite healthy though quite often and causes irritation of parents which want that their children were leaders, instead of performers. It means that your child everything distinguishes social signals better and gains skill which will serve it throughout all his life. During the period from 8 to 12 years it is especially important, because children of this age group can tease and humiliate ruthlessly. Actually draznilka are a smithy which forms many age standards of behavior. Girls tease not less, than boys though at boys of a peredraznivaniye quite often lead to physical collisions. Ektomiya of emotions
Children quickly enough understand that if them tease, it is best of all not to react emotionally in general. The protest, shout, to the teacher or anger when steal a cap or call complaints, can entail further humiliations or exile from group. Therefore to keep advantage, it is better to hold up other cheek. Understanding a situation, children make «An ektomiya of emotions», cleaning feelings from the sphere of relationship with contemporaries. The majority of children masterfully seize this reception, but those who at younger age learned to operate the emotions achieve the greatest successes. That feel it and you
The behavior of your child means that he is capable to distinguish standards and the values accepted in group of contemporaries, and it allows it to become its part. If learn that your child participates in persecution of other child which consider unfair, tell to it that you feel. Use this precedent to inform to it the values – kindness and honesty. If your child did not show cruelty, it is not necessary to be especially sharp or severely to punish it. For children of this age who want to enter into the chosen circle and thus are under pressure from contemporaries, such behavior is normal. Recognition of contemporaries
If your child complains that it expelled from group or contemporaries treat it unfairly, you can use methods of emotional education to help it to cope with feelings of grief and anger. Having overcome negative emotions, try to look for a solution together. For example, it is possible to investigate ways, by means of which people creates and maintains the friendly relations. Do not try to prove to the child that his aspiration to put on and behave, as other children, silly. Recognize his desire to be accepted by contemporaries and help it to achieve it. Do not laugh over me
If your child derides the rules accepted in the world of adults, do not take this criticism to heart. Impudence, sarcasm and contempt for values of adults – normal behavior at this age. If your child really roughly talks to you, tell to it about it, but special way. («When you laugh at my hairdress, I feel that you do not respect me».) So you can impart to it such values, as kindness and mutual respect in a family.
Despite a fronderstvo, children at this age, as well as all others, want to feel emotionally connected with the parents and need their loving management.
On materials of the book of John Gottman «Emotional intelligence of the child».