«To run, Vitenka»… How to help children and not to go on the world?
I do not know, how there «at them» with a generation gap, but at us with it everything is upside down overturned. My eyes got out on a forehead when I saw the old woman of years of 80, complaining of small pension while she needs to pay for drugs, the apartment and… – attention! – to help children! I made pneumomassage of ears, but did not mishear: it needs to give money to children!
Shot from "Jumble"
It became clear: this world flies to an abyss. In the head the picture from old Jumble turned. Remember the granny, hurrying to the spindle-legs granddaughter to the aid to push Kamaz with shouts: «I run, Vitenka, I run the pretty!»
From where with us this pathological draft to help children till an old age? That it in general: reckless hypertrophied love to them or usual parental instability before whims of children, or, probably, desire to be though something though to someone useful?
It is not necessary to look for justice, there is no it on the earth. Someone in the 20 rummages at parents on pockets, and someone drags bags with cement for another’s uncle in foreign lands. Someone in 16 earns additionally in a tavern, washes glasses of cars, and someone and in 40 starts a hand in parental pension.
Someone will tell: «Mother, it is not necessary! It is more necessary to you!» And someone: «Mothers, give! Why to you already?»
I saw the girl revolted with that parents do not transfer it the apartment.
– They that, in a coffin with themselves will take away it?
– Certainly not, but why they should leave it to you?
– And to whom still? – she was surprised.
– Perhaps they will give it hungry! – I assumed.
Whatever one may do, the behavior of the child will depend on rules which we, adults, establish. It will not overstep the limits with a post if we exposed in time this post.
Unequivocally, the parents who have allowed children to sit down on a neck and to lower legs, turn into milk cows on life. It simply speaks: why to strain, when all problems will be solved? Helping always and with everything, we deprive of children of incentive to move.
I could observe more than once the adult people going on big inconveniences for the sake of children. And how you think, whether children were grateful to them to a coffin for it? Ridiculous question. So them brought up that the parental sacrificial help – in the nature of things. «And why they (parents) are still necessary?» – one fellow told to me…
I do not apply at all for the ultimate truth, but I have a dissenting opinion in this respect. I am deeply convinced that after 18 it would be necessary to live within the means. And поумерить appetite it would be necessary even earlier, years in 16. Yes, then, when hunting is a lot of that. When hunting, time to understand that from where undertakes and that nothing appears from anywhere, someone for it paid.
Anything shameful I do not see in that together with a gift on the 16 anniversary in a festive atmosphere to declare to the child that education, sports, rest moderately possibilities of times in a year and small daily needs is from now on financed only that on «very much would be desirable for financing» and «as at Vasya» the moratorium is declared.
Therefore I thought up pair of parental rules. They will not impress someone, but to all will not please. Here they:
1. Help when you can really help. Do not remove from itself the last shirt if speech does not go about life and death. Always there are options to do without victims and oppressions, let and not such comfortable for the child.
2. Cease to be afraid. Your daughter all the same will marry even in the absence of a fashionable skirt. And if it does not leave and does not leave, business is real not in a skirt. Perhaps she at all does not want in marriage.
3. If you decided that the child should enter into adult life with the apartment and car, these are only your imaginations, instead of time requirement. Also there is no need to hurry to release a living space the young. "Young", having hands and feet and the head on shoulders, can quite remove housing.
4. There is such saying: «You want to feed hungry, do not give it fish. Give it a fishing tackle». Silly to interfere with desire of the child to work even if the child absolutely small or is occupied with study. There is a possibility – bring from work of a piece of paper, let displays. Give out it 200 rubles for it. It will be ITS 200 rubles.
There is nothing shameful in once to employ the child. It either will use it, or will spit. But in any case it will be a signal for you for to put in the idler all the same what to bury money in sand. Shirk better.
5. React to negligence of the child to money. «Only 50 rubles» should be able to be earned. It does not mean that it is necessary to waste time on trifles and write down each eaten kernel, as the Mole for Thumbelina. Simply make so that the offspring understood the main component of 50 rubles: this vital time of mother father spent «at the machine», instead of on the bank of the Mediterranean Sea in slaps.
6. If you dared to buy to the child expensive thing, you have the right to establish the moratorium on further financing on a certain term and to assign expenses according to its contents to the child. And you are not obliged to transfer by all means expensive thing in its property. Let will be yours, it is not clear yet, whether he is ready to be the high-grade owner.
7. And at last, do not hesitate to ask if money is really necessary to you. In it there is nothing shameful. I will tell more – good children like to help parents, they feel need for it. They take offense, when parents in a pointed manner rise in a pose and refuse the help though it is obvious that it is necessary. The child feels the serious person when helps "laces".
I do not see anything rigid and unfair in these simple rules. But they divide the monetary relations with others, do not influence in any way love in a family, let’s speculate and blackmail with love to catch money.
As the economist I will tell, money – the evil, all troubles on the earth because of them. Therefore it is not necessary to let out angrily outside, it should sit in the conclusion and live by rules. Which you for it establish. Otherwise it fast will establish the.