What is the psychological violence?
Possibly, you met women who constantly complained of the husbands, but for years undertook nothing to leave from under psychological pressure of the partner. How it is possible to live under constant psychological oppression, feeling as a puppet who moves to this or that party, submitting to someone’s will? Let’s understand this problem.
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Psychologists call such type of the relations «psychological violence». In their opinion, consequences from such relations in family life can be and it is more terrible than violence physical. Partner dominants constantly subordinates to itself the victim. The purpose of such relations to put other person in a complete dependence from itself.
Where roots of such pathological relations are covered? To a hedgehog it is clear that any manipulator never shows the real face at once. Let’s assume, if the guy on the first appointment started to speak about what, on its representation, should be future wife with transfer of all requirements, emphasizing that it will be the main thing in a family. Hardly the clever girl would go on the second appointment to such exacting man.
Future tyrant begins the way to psychological domination over the woman as it is accepted, since the buketno-candy period. To the girl at appointments it is necessary to be very attentive as at the first stage of acquaintance to the man can already look through certain signs which cannot be disregarded.
For example, there can be such situation when your guy is wrong, it admits this fact, but lets to you know, what not to you to judge its acts. If to pass such moment, your partner will start to show the superiority at each opportunity soon, hinting at your insolvency in this or that question.
«You understand, why we cannot have the normal relations? All hitch in you: it is necessary to be able to understand the partner and not to get with the silly remarks and not to interrupt me». It is already red flag! If there is no respect for the partner, from such person it is necessary to run carelessly. In the course of time the respect will not appear, and the relations will worsen every year.
Each person has an experience of the previous relations. What it there were relations, becomes known to the person whom you meet. If, telling about the previous relations with the girl, the guy issues exclusively negative information, throwing mud at the former passion and accusing her of all mortal sins, it is the second very disturbing signal to which it is necessary to pay the closest attention.
In a stock the psychological manipulator has one more hook on which it can pick up the future victim. The guy can sing very eloquently to you dithyrambs: «You are the first girl, with which at me such cordial and good relations. To a meeting with you I also did not think that to me so it will be easy and good». Naturally, any girl, having heard such sweet speeches, will try to behave so that to correspond to that image which with it was drawn by the partner.
It can lull intuition of the woman. She will not pay attention to the disturbing signals saying that the partner – the hero not its novel, and is time to put an end in the relations. Sometime, if it «does not make a foot in time», the lady can hear from the partner: «I was disappointed in you, you same, as all aunts».
But, we will imagine that the girl did not consider in time in the young man of future psychological manipulator, business reached wedding. Now future victim entirely in manipulator hands. The first that it will do, show helplessness of the wife at any opportunity. In his hands there are a lot of levers, and he knows, how it to do. The second – it limits a circle of contacts of the wife, alienating her from relatives and friends.
What moves the husband manipulator? It wants to be the unique authority and "ultimate truth" for the wives. It for a second should not doubt its superiority in everything.
What to do, if you got under influence of the psychological manipulator? If you noticed «red tags», remember very important rule: the your relations with such person will last more long, the it will be more difficult than them to finish for you, and considerable harm will be done to your mentality.
It is not necessary to digest everything in itself, it is better to talk frankly to the person and to designate the positions. If there is a possibility, try to agree about concrete borders of behavior of everyone, without infringement of your interests. If to the agreement it was not possible to come, it is best of all to leave to you.
If your husband manipulator persistently does not recognize the mistakes during serious conversation, it is a sign of that it is going to change nothing in your relations. Besides, it can charge to you that you do not understand a family situation, your views became outdated long ago also your fault in what you do not want to have the harmonious family relations owing to the egoistical nature.
The women who have lived many years with psychological manipulators, have low self-image, often they are inclined to a depression. The husband manipulator hammered them into the head that they are incapable to solve independently even the simplest problems.
Whether it is possible to call such family life harmonious? Certainly, no. A sign of the normal family relations is the love, respect and satisfaction of both partners. Think of yourself and mental health and give the chance to itself to construct such relations which you will enjoy. To follow the tastes of the psychological manipulator is a way in anywhere.