If a man ignoring a woman’s verbal "no" is committing date rape, then a woman who says "no" with her verbal language but "yes” with her body language is committing date fraud. And a woman who continues to be sexual even after she says "no" is committing date lying.

Do women still do this? Two feminists found the answer is yes. Nearly 40 percent of college women acknowledged they had said "no” to sex even "when they meant yes."9 In my own work with over 150,000 women and men – about half of whom are single – the answer is also yes. Almost all single women acknowledge they have agreed to go back to a guy’s place "just to talk" but were nevertheless responsive to his first kiss. And almost all acknowledge they’ve recently said something like, "That’s far enough for now," even as her lips are still kissing and her tongue is still touching his.

We have forgotten that before we began calling this date rape and date fraud, we called it exciting. Somehow, women’s romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said No. They are. though, titled Sweet Savage Love’0 in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It Is this "marry’ the rapist" theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best seller but also into one of the most enduring of women’s romance novels. And it is Rhett Butler, carrying the kicking and screaming Scarlett O’Hara to bed. who is a hero to females – not to males – in Gone with the Wind (the best-selling romance novel of all time – to women). It is important that a woman’s "noes" be respected and that her "yeses" be respected. And it is also і троп ant when nonverbal "yeses” (tongues still touching) conflict with those verbal "noes" that the man not be put in jail for choosing the “yes" over the "no." Me might just be trying to become her fantasy. The clanger is in the fine line between fantasy and nightmare.

The differences in each sex’s experiences are so enormous emotionally that 1 can create understanding only by conducting role-reversal dates: having the women ask the men out and discover which of the men’s noes mean no forever, which mean no for the rest of the date, which for a few minutes, and which just mean slow down. and having the men feel what it’s like to have their noes ignored