The men’s movement as evolutionary shift
The men’s movement will be the longest of all movements because it is not proposing merely to integrate blacks or Hispanics into a system that already exists, it is proposing an evolutionary shift in the system itself – an end to woman the protected and man the protector. This division is rooted in our biology’, it exists among animals.
The men s movement will be the most incremental of movements because it is hard to confront the feelings we’ve learned to repress and hard to confront the women we’ve learned to protea. And it is especially hard to risk alienating our only source of love.
VUiat will be the men’s movement’s greatest day-to day challenge? Getting men to ask for help/or themsehes Movements make gains by asking for help for themselves. Men were always able to ask for help on befxilf of others – for a congregation, their wives, children, or a cause – but not for themself Why not? For thousands of years, complaining was functional for women – it attraaed a proteaor; complaining was dysfunaional for men – it attracted nobody. Women avoided men who complained and selected men who were responsive to womens pleas for help. So asking for help for themselves will be the biggest challenge and the catalyst to any evolutionary shift
part of the women’s movement has already initiated that evolutionary shift – the pan that says, "I, woman, mast take responsibility for what occurs In my life", that says, “Don’t kill your husband if he’s abasing you, walk away"; the pan that encourages women, "Pick up his dinner check as often as he picks up yours"; the pan that says, "Don’t marry up,’ depend on yourself"; the pan that empowers women to the point of being willing to consider a loving man "eligible" even if he expects her to financially suppon him while he nurtures her. This pan of the women’s movement is the division of adult feminism.
Another pan of the women’s movement reinforces age old patterns – the pan that wants combat rights but not combat obligations, that speaks of the glass ceiling, but not the glass cellar; that wants government proteaion for battered women but denies even the existence of battered men; the pan that negleas to encourage women to feel as comfortable "marrying down" and financially supporting a man to be the dad as "marrying up" and having a man suppon her to be the mom This pan only reinforces women’s genetic heritage – find a hero, marry him, depend on him; or divorce him and get the government to play substitute husband. It reinforces women discover ing a variety of ways to be victim in order to find a variety of ways to be saved. This pan of the women’s movement is the division of adolescent feminism.
For women, complaining and asking to be saved was a necessary pan of their Stage I role of proteaing children. For men, asking for help is useful only in Stage II Complaining and asking for help, then, are not evolutionary’ shifts for women; complaining and asking for help are evolutionary shifts for men.
Men will learn to ask for help when we help men understand it is the lability to ask for help that is weakness. Men must gather a new strength – strength to fight the only world war in which the fodder is feelings, be ^ong enough to find these feelings and courageous enough to risk the loss °f superficial love to create deeper love
If a men’s movement really does create an evolutionary shift, though, it must go beyond being gifted of the mouth and retarded of the ear. We must help both sexes tune each ocher in as we would the Discovery Channel rather than tune each other out as we would in a ‘ battle of the sexes ”; to respect that our socialization is as difficult to remove as is syrup from a pancake, and that sometimes the best way we can show our caring is not by solving someone’s problem but by acknowledging and sharing.