Sexual practices have been changing on college campuses today. “Hooking up” or hav­ing a “friend with benefits” or a “sex buddy” have become more common. Although both men and women report these behaviors are often engaged in purely for the physical plea­sures they provide, the research isn’t so clear cut (Lambert et al., 2003).

I once had two students in my class who I thought didn’t know each other because they never talked or sat next to each other. However, in reading papers they had handed in, I learned they had been “hooking up” almost every weekend for over 8 months. What was interesting to me, however, was how they each described their relationship. Blye wrote that she was sure Laizon was looking for a commitment because he had sex with her every weekend, whereas Laizon wrote that he was relieved that Blye understood their relationship was only sexual because he never talked to her during the week. Both Blye

and Laizon were evaluating the same behavior differently. It might be easy to assume that it’s always the female who is looking for more commitment in these “hookups,” but that wouldn’t be entirely true. There are many men who hope for more out of a “hookup” but settle for what they can get (see the Sex Talk Question on page 260).

There are some couples who decide to abstain from sex. These couples tend to hold more conservative attitudes about sex and have less prior sexual experience. Today more and more adults are standing up for their virginity instead of being embarrassed by it. Even some famous athletes have spoken out about their virginity in their youth (see the accompanying Personal Voices, “Sports and Virginity”). When both partners have been sexually active in the past, they are very likely to continue to be sexually active in their present relationship (Peplau et al., 1977).


Sexuality in Dating Relationships
Подпись: C. Green, a former professional basketball player for teams including the Los Angeles Lakers and the Phoenix Suns, has dedicated his life to teaching youths about abstinence. In 2002 the deeply religious Green married Veronique Green, fulfilling a lifelong vow of celibacy until marriage. Green's promotion of abstinence and his belief in celibacy until marriage are at the core of the A. C. Green Youth Foundation. About his marriage to Veronique, Green said, "My beautiful wife has been well worth the wait." His new wife replied, "A. C. is the man I have waited for my whole life. To know he has also been faithful in waiting for me is the best wedding present I could ever imagine." Prior to his marriage, A. C. Green spoke openly about his desire to remain a virgin until marriage. As a professional athlete, I have to deal with groupies in many cities. It seems as though my teammates and I are often confronted by young women wanting to meet us from the time we arrive to the time we depart. They hang out everywhere—airports, hotel lobbies, restaurants and sports arenas—always trying to catch our eyes. Not many resist their advances. I don't know how many virgins there are in the NBA, but you can probably count them on one hand. Pro basketball players have this larger-than-life image, and it doesn't help when a former player such as Wilt Chamberlain boasts about bedding 20,000 women in his lifetime. While I've remained sexually pure, I still hear the locker-room talk about the latest sexual conquests. But I don't let that weaken my resolve because I have cho-
Подпись: sen to follow God's standard. I've communicated my stand to my teammates. Some—in a humorous vein— have threatened to set me up with women who would make themselves available to me; "Let's see how strong you really are," they joke. Don't get me wrong. Sex itself isn't bad. It's just a matter of when to experience it. I want young people to hear this message: It is possible to wait. Not everybody is doing it. I started the A. C. Green Youth Foundation in Los Angeles. We put together basketball camps, help kids find summer jobs, and try to give inner-city youth some direction. As part of that outreach, last summer several pro athletes—including Daryl Green and David Robinson—along with a Christian rap group called Idol King joined me to make a video called "It Ain't Worth It." It's a rap song dealing with teenage love, broken hearts, the dilemma of abortion, and the fallacy of the "safe sex" message. Of course, some young kids listening to me have been sexually active for years. That's when I tell them about the concept of secondary virginity. "You may have had sex in the past and think you don't have a reason to wait now," I say. "But there's a better way, and that's following God's way. Perhaps you feel guilty or not worthy, but the Lord can forgive you. After that, you can commit yourselves to remaining pure until your wedding day." SOURCE: From Focus on the Family magazine (June 1993, pp. 2-3).
Sexuality in Dating Relationships
Подпись: Voices Sports and Virginity

For couples in which one partner has been sexually active in the past and the other is a virgin, the woman’s past experience is a stronger predictor of the sexual behavior of the couple. Virginal men often do not resist the opportunity to have sexual intercourse with an experienced woman. Peplau and colleagues (1977) found in a study of college students that every male virgin who dated a sexually experienced female engaged in sex­ual intercourse. However, when a virginal female dated a sexually experienced man, only one-third of couples had sexual intercourse.

Question: I have a "sex buddy" that I hook up with at least once a week, sometimes more. We don’t ever talk about us or what is going on, but the sex is great. I’d like to take this to the next level and be­come a "couple," but I just don’t know how. I guess we’ve become very accustomed to the way things are. I’m scared to death that maybe she doesn’t want anything more than we already have. I’d be devastated.

Sexuality in Dating RelationshipsПодпись: It is estimated that nearly 9 in 10 people will marry someone of the other sex at some point in their lives, but half of these marriages will end in divorce (Kreider & Fields, 2001). Moving from a hookup into a more serious dating situation can be difficult primarily be­cause there is often a significant lack of communication between the partners. Although it is possible for a serious relationship to develop out of a hookup, many do not make it past the hookup stage. Your best bet would be to find a time when the two of you can talk about your feelings and hope for a more committed relationship. Students have dif­ferent motivations for hooking up and engaging in casual sex, and you won’t know your partner’s motivations unless you ask.