Loss of trust can quickly turn into loss of respect. It’s difficult to con­tinue to respect someone you now know to be a liar and a deceiver, or someone you discover has a problem with impulse control, aberrant sexual interests, and emotional intimacy. In an instant a woman’s view of her partner can shift from thinking of him as someone who is worthy of respect and admiration to seeing him as insensitive, hurtful, and fright­ening.

A woman’s loss of respect for her partner can also be related to her realizing he likes a product that is notoriously known for being degrad­ing and insensitive to, as well as exploitive of, women and children. Until she knew he was into porn, Fran had always seen David as a smart and caring person. But since learning of his involvement in porn her feel­ings toward him have changed dramatically. “He is not the man of in­tegrity I thought he was,” she says. “I need a man who values women, not someone who gets off on objectifying, disrespecting, and colluding with an unrealistic view of women. Now I feel he is just like men who abuse women. I can’t help feeling he’s dirty and nasty and abusive and unhealthy. I’ve lost respect and admiration for him.”