Like Megan, some women are completely unaware that their partner likes porn or is engaged in a serious relationship with it. They uncon­ditionally trust that their partner is being truthful and sexually faithful. Most women assume their partners understand that hidden porn use would be as destructive as an affair with a real person. Her trust and faith in her partner, her ignorance about the depth of problems porn can bring into their relationship, and the lengths to which her partner would go to deceive her about his porn use, all combine to keep a woman in the dark for months and, sometimes, years.

For many women partners, however, ignorance is not bliss. Over time, especially as their partner’s problems with porn worsen, women experience increasing feelings of inner confusion and distress.