Feelings of betrayal, disappointment, sexual inadequacy, and rejection can last for many months, even years, well past when the angry outbursts and crying spells have ended. Women often suffer in internal psychologi­cal ways that can be difficult for the porn user to see or understand. A woman’s self-esteem, sense of security, and ability to feel open and sexu­ally responsive are often profoundly wounded. These emotional kinds of wounds do not heal quickly or on their own. Porn users are often surprised at how much continued suffering their partners report. The length of time a woman feels hurt depends in large part on how well her partner responds to her feelings and what steps he takes to address the porn problem that results in regaining her trust and rebuilding intimacy in the relationship.

Let’s look a little more closely at some common ways women experi­ence hurt that can be challenging for a porn user to notice and under­stand.